Games we play- what we do to get what we want.

I am reading the book, "The Logic of Life" by Tim Hartford. I think it is about how everyone of us is rational in what we do (though our rationality has its limits), and how we this rationality is involved in our everyday strategies.

Reading the book, and in particular, about game-theory, I got to thinking about me and my brother while I was taking a bath.

What we used to do, when someone gave us something to share between us, I would tell my brother to take what he wanted. He would refuse to do that, asking me to have the first choice instead. We were not doing this out of love, of course. We knew that whoever made the first choice, would take a smaller part of it so that our choice wouldn't be seen as selfish.

You might ask what is wrong in dividing it equitably- as all rivals and lovers know, equitable distribution is an impossible ideal. You might divide something perfectly- but still, unless you measure it- it is impossible to be sure: fairness is not something that catches your eye, or overcomes prejudice on its own power.

Obviously, this won't work with two people who are competitive. Everyone has hidden motives, and has selfish objectives. It is in the way that you go about it that makes a relationship look harmonious or fraught with ill-will.

It is true that the one who ends up having to take the first choice will nurture some resentment- and it did happen.

But the point is, we got along.

The same pattern holds true even now- I go for a tea with my friend in the evening. We order one tea and share it between us. It is an everyday ritual between us that I ask him to divide it up, and then he asks me to do that- but whoever does it makes sure that the other person gets more of it. And then, the person who got more, gives some of it away, saying, "I don't want as much."

So we both win. First I give him more of the tea, ensuring that he sees me as a fair person. And then he gives me some of it, ensuring that I see him as a fair person.

This might look artificial, and as if we lack a common understanding about what kind of people we are- but then, we are that kind of people- it comes natural to us.

But there are some downsides to this: what happens when I interact with someone competitive? I don't have too many people of that kind as my friends, so you know- I don't have a relationship with them.

This is not right, I know. Competitive people are as good as compromising people like me, and compromising people are as bad as the competitive people: we all have wants and needs, it is just that our strategies are different. If I could, I would love to be competitive, but I can't, right now. I don't know how to. It is not easy.

There is a friend in my office with severe cervical spondilitis. I do about seventy-five percent of his work, he does not even acknowledge that- in fact he calls me a slouch!. He is good at his work, it is just that his ailment is so severe right now, so I try to help him out of the present crisis in his work-life. But the point is, I could get competitive with him, and then he might praise me or whatever, but the atmosphere won't be the same.

So what happens with me and aggressive people is that either I either go their way, or I cut them off.

So, that's it. This is about me, right? My strategies to get my hidden goals- "It is alright to look foolish, but don't be a fool".

I think this kind of strategy, without being virtuous, is more effective in most instances. In a family I know,  there are five brothers fighting over a property. They each want to make sure that the other does not get a larger share (even though it would at most be Rupees one lakh),- so I get to hear interesting conversions everyday about this interminable problem.