I seldom make new year resolutions, not that I couldn't keep them up, but somehow I thought it doesn't require the earth to come one more trip around the sun for resolutions.
But how do we make, and then keep resolutions? Please read my thoughts and do share yours, not just your comments.
Start with small steps (pragmatism), instead of trying to reach where you want to be eventually in a single giant leap (perfectionism). This way, the expectations will not be too high from yourself as well as from others. Even if you fail in between, you can get back to the routine and catch up without feeling the pressure, because no one expects you to be prefect just because you did not make that big promise.
It could be small steps achieving small goals, eventually leading to a larger one, which you would be your real goal. This means that its going to be a process, and it would take time. It could be small goals for a fortnight or a month each*. If you can team up with someone, even better, it will be mutually beneficial, either by motivation or by slight peer pressure.
Equally important is to choose the goal that stick to. Take mine about posting at least more than thrice in a week. Quite reasonable, you may think. But for a lazy ass** like me who has mastered the art of dragging my feet, it is some thing. Now that I have openly admitted it, I wouldn't pause longer between posts unless the reason is genuine (God help me!).
Googling a few mins spewed the below links about goals and resolutions.
See this, and this.
* My yoga teacher explained the importance of numbers like 48, 108, 1008 etc. He said '..the usual explanations that you hear about these numbers are only made up for the numbers. For instance 108 is the ratio of the diameters of the Sun and the Earth. But it's only a coincidence. The real thing about these numbers are, if you could do some task continuously for, say, 48 days (a mandalam), then you are likely to continue it easily further on..' This argument is acceptable, because if you can do it for such a (reasonably) long time, you would get used to it.
** Keeping fit had been so evasive for me, which has been my goal every time I watch Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee movies. My brother, who is my role model for many things in life including taking care of your body once said 'keeping fit, should not be your practice, not even your habit. It should be your character'. I see that its his character.
I recently found this blessing, "May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions- Joey Adams".
ReplyDeleteI don't want to wish it on you- may all your troubles vanish with the first light of the dawn of day, and may you keep all your resolutions all through the year- especially this resolution of posting minimum thrice a week! Looking forward to it, actually.
I am the sort of man who brags, "Stopping cigarrettes is easy. I have quit smoking so many times myself"- this year I have made no resolution at all. I thought about quitting coffee- but I had done that so many times, too.
From my experience of taking resolutions, I should think that making positive resolutions, "I will do this," "I will do that," works better than negative ones-"I won't be angry", "I won't be lazy," etc.
As you say, Pragmatism is important. Instead of trying something sensational, it has better chances of working if you improve upon what you are doing- such as "I will sleep six hours a day", if you are a five-hour per day sleeper.
And also the resolution has better chance of surviving if it is quantifiable. If you can put numbers to it, you can find how you are doing.
Ultimately everything we want to do is about what we see ourselves as. If we have a negative image of ourselves in relation to something, we want to get rid of it. If your resolutions are motivated by this, it won't succeed. Because we don't like to grapple with what is painful.
But if the resolution has positive motivation, it has better chances of surviving: your energies are not frittered away with fighting with yourself.
So, if you feel bad about something, don't try to handle it by changing your habits. Better than that is to get rid of your false perceptions of what you are. Then you can make a resolution to do whatever you want to.
Finally, don't take your resolutions too seriously. There are reports that more people are depressed by their inability to keep their resolutions. Remember that, and also remember that you take a resolution every month, every week, every day- nothing is lost if you fail. You can always start again.
And here are some places which help you stick to your resolutions:
http://www.stickk.com/: Go to Stickk, put your money where you mouth is- if you keep your promises, you get your money back, if you lose out, it goes to charity!
If you don't want to take the risk, here is a network of people: 43 things (http://www.43things.com/): they help each other keep their promises. You can gain some friends there, at least.
I said something about not being serious with your resolutions, didn't I? We have Cameron Diaz for inspiration:
"“I have always had the same New Year resolutions: to stop smoking, to start wearing a bra and to stop shopping,” says Diaz, and she is doing it this year too!
Again, as I read somewhere else, Don't push it, but don't pull your punches!
Be happy, you all!
Cool, well written post Siva. Now I am looking forward to read more articles from you.
ReplyDeleteI just want to add that, you will do everything you WANT. Just make sure you WANT what you want to achieve. Goal is not mere words but something that is endorsed completely by your heart. That's your WANT. When you WANT something you become dedicated, there is interest and there is drive. When these three combine you will achieve what you want. It is important for everyone to know what they want and develop their 'want profile'.
You get what you want.
start wearing a bra! You call this a resolution?
ReplyDeleteAnything that you weren't and you want can be a resoution.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Balajhi on both the counts. When you WANT something, it is certain to happen.
ReplyDelete"It is important for everyone to know what they want and develop their 'want profile'."- clap! clap!
'When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true.'- Paulo Coelho
Someone called Rob Brezny has developed the theory of PRONOIA. "The opposite of paranoia, pronoia is defined as the sneaking suspicion that the whole world is conspiring to shower you with blessings. (Terence McKenna had a slightly different angle on it: "I believe reality is a marvelous joke staged for my edification and amusement, and everybody is working very hard to make me happy.")" Please look up. http://www.freewillastrology.com/beauty/pronoia.therapy.html.
I would love to believe in all this.
And I also accept that anything can be a resolution if i respect it. For example, if I resolve to wash my undies at least thrice a week, is srikkant going to sneer at it?
Why should I sneer at bas if he wants to wash his undies at least thrice a week? For some people, it can be more important than overcoming anger or laziness. Of course. Re: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
ReplyDelete