The Nerve Of It!

Do we talk about sex or not? My son is seven, so he is not going to read this now, but I hope when he wants to know about it later, he starts from here. He has to know, someday or other. But does it make you feel good to know your son wants to know? The day I know that, would not be a happy day for me.

What is it about sex that pulls us in and puts us off? None of us can say we are interested, but none of us can talk about it as dispassionately as we speak about the weather. It is pretty basic human need, and at the same time, it has mixed up associations in our mind. It is fun, and it is taboo. I think the people who put sexual sculptures in our temples did that with their tongue in their cheek.

I read an interview with the CEO of Nerve.com, an online porn magazine. he makes some intelligent and insightful comments, which was what set me off like this.

He thinks the ultimate porn is the "simultaneously sexy and gut-wrenching confessional essay". And why would he value it as his core mission and rate this above the explicit photos and the lurid and purple passages of overt porn?

It is to do with the taboos, guilt and shame that we associate with sexuality. He goes so far as to say, "All the best pieces we've published deal with what I refer to as the blush zone. If either the writer or editor loses their ability to blush, then it's boring and they should get out of the business. Appreciating and teasing out the subtleties and complexities of the writer's relationship to internalized taboos and their own sense of shame is the beauty of the exercise."

In the absence of taboos, it is as good as calisthenics, he says. Do you want to read about calisthenics? Do you do calisthenics! Without taboos, it is just a routine act of pumping up, giving a green signal to the autonomic nervous system- giving men the turn on is the easiest thing, 'it is as boring as making lampshades.'

The founder of Nerve says he prefers to gnaw on taboos like squeaky dog toys. I feel not only in this business, but every writer, every creative artist, has to deal with taboos. Not aggressively, stupidly, but he has to touch a nerve for the story to come alive in the reader's head. He has to tease out what he resists talking about, and what society wants to pull a blind over, he has to bring to light what is kept in the dark.

People may like it, or hate it- but it is there: that which is held close and denied- and the writer who brings it to surface and puts it into context, liberates his readers.